Episode 89 - Don't ask yourself 'Who' but 'How' you want to be

In this podcast episode, I look at designing your future from a meta-perspective and challenge conventional wisdom around visualization techniques.

The commonly suggested approach to visualize your ideal self often lacks emotional depth and may not be the best strategy for fast-brained humans like you for reasons I dive into in this episode.

Instead of asking the question "Who do I want to become?" I suggest a more dynamic and emotionally resonant method: focus on how you want to feel on a daily basis.

This is how you can 'design' a fun future:

• make a list of the emotions you wish to experience regularly
• identify activities or experiences that evoke these emotions. 
• redesign your life to incorporate more and more of those activities

By focusing on feelings rather than a rigid identity, you can chart a path towards a life that allows for flexibility, resilience, and fulfillment.

This way of doing things turns traditional self-development on its head by emphasizing feeling states as guideposts, which enables a more organic and emotionally rich planning process.

Main Learnings and Takeaways

• Traditional self-development methods, like visualization, may not work for everyone, particularly those who are very smart, highly adaptable and resilient.
• Instead of focusing on "who you want to become," concentrate on "how you want to feel" 
• Make lists of the feelings you want to experience regularly and the activities that evoke these emotions to create a guidepost for your life direction
• Go for small shifts rather than giant jumps

Resources:

Episode 47 on Visualisation: https://managingthesmartmind.buzzsprout.com/1960175/11977984-episode-47-how-to-use-visualisation-to-improve-your-life-and-make-much-better-use-of-your-smart-mind

Episode 48 on Troubleshooting Visualisation:
https://managingthesmartmind.buzzsprout.com/1960175/12023543-episode-48-troubleshooting-visualisation-internalised-oppression-social-cultural-pressure-other-programming-and-bridging-the-gap

Ready to learn how to Manage your Smart Mind? Then download my free 'Mapping Your Unique Brain' Workbook. Go to:
https://www.coachkramer.org/brainmap to get access.

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Transcript

 Episode 89 - Don't ask yourself 'Who' but 'How' you want to be 

Hello smart human!

I am back from a wonderful Summer which included lots of reading, staring at the ocean, watching the light change on the cliffs of Northern Normandy, meeting lots of Mensans and eating some great food. 

And I have to say, I also LOVE being back. I love Autumn, I love the start Academic year, the special energy that’s in the air. 

The potential. 

This is the time many of us make plans - whether it’s for our business, our careers, or our personal lives. 

And that’s what I want to talk to you about today. 

There is a lot of talk in coaching and self-development of figuring out who you want to be and then stepping into that identity, faking it until you make it, etc. 

And from the perspective of the brain, it can definitely be useful to visualise the person you want to become.

But we tend to get a bit carried away with this and turn it into a ‘painting by number’ exercise which completely lacks any emotional charge. 

I’ll give you an example. 

I tried for years to visualise future me - I never could (I talked about this in Episodes 48 and 49 on visualisation). 

And one of the reasons was that I don’t have that kind of identity. 

That solidity of knowing where I want to go and what I want to be doing in three, five, ten years' time. 

Maybe some people do - but most fast-brained humans I work with don’t. 

There’s a couple of reasons for that. 

First of all, with our crazy capabilities we could be doing pretty much anything. 

There are infinite avenues open to us. 

Branching off in infinite ways. 

To close all these off and turn them into some kind of super highway straight towards some idealised future self just sounds, well, lets be honest, super boring. 

Second: we learn super fast and can pivot in the blink of an eye. 

We’re incredibly resilient, or, even better, in Taleb’s terms: antifragile. 

We swerve, we fall, we bump into things, fall through a trap door: doesn’t slow us down. 

May even speed us up. 

So spending a lot of time trying to visualise who you want to become is probably not the best way to give direction and focus to your life. 

And I probably should add here that it IS a good idea to give some direction and focus to your life - whilst, of course, allowing yourself to improvise and change lanes (or vehicles or countries) whenever it feels right. 

So how DO you give yourself some direction? 

Stop asking who you want to become, and instead ask how you want to feel. 

How do you want to feel on a daily basis? 

Excited? 

Fulfilled?

Inspired? 

Creative?

Contented?

Challenged?

Think about it - and make a list. 

If you’re not driving or operating heavy machinery or supervising toddlers you may even do it right now: pause the podcast and start writing down what, in your version of a Good Life, your overarching feelings would be. 

Then, when you’ve done that, you simply work backwards. 

What kind of things make you feel that way? 

(Again, if you can, pause. Make that list). 

I’ll give you some of mine as an example. 

I want to feel creative - and I feel creative when I’m painting, creating new content for the podcast, writing, designing challenges or workshops, taking pictures, etc. 

I want to feel aligned - and I feel aligned when I work not just with my brain, but also completely in tune with my heart and my intuition. When I am present with my emotions and are able to go with the flow. And often (probably not surprisingly), that overlaps with creating. 

I want to feel fulfilled - and I feel fulfilled when I’ve created something and shared or sent it. I feel fulfilled when I’ve cooked a beautiful meal and shared it with people. I feel fulfilled when I’ve taught a workshop and have seen peoples faces (and brains) light up. And I also feel very fulfilled after doing something that is very hard for me, that challenges me, and is spread out over a longer period of time. 

Take some time to do this - you will start thinking of more things you enjoy feeling, and activities that make you feel that way. 

There may even be some things from childhood that you completely forgot about and stopped doing (like reading a book under the blankets, building a tree hut, looking for seashells on the beach). 

Once you’ve got your list, you have the beginnings of a map. 

A map to a wonderful future. 

A map of HOW you want to be a human in this wondrous world. 

Now you can start thinking about how you want to redesign parts of your life to create more of what you want. 

Maybe you want to do more of the things you’re already doing. 

Maybe there are things you want to stop doing - so you can start doing things that feel WAY better. 

Again, this is an organic, ever-evolving process. 

Start with a small shift. 

Give yourself more of what you want one time a week. 

See what that is like. 

Gather data. 

Tweak. 

Try some more. 

It’s not so much riding the wave as BEING it. 

Loving the idea of a future whilst being solidly grounded in the present. 

Have an amazing week,

Else a.k.a. Coach Kramer

Do you want to learn how to best manage your smart mind? DM me on LinkedIn, or Instagram to learn how you can work with me, or email me via podcast@elsekramer.com. 

Thank you for listening to the Managing the Smart Mind Podcast, I love that at 

the time of recording this, there are smart humans listening in 105 countries! 

I really appreciate you - do send me any questions or requests for topics you have. And if you enjoy the podcast I’d love for you to give it a five-star review so other smart humans can find it - thank you!