Episode 48 - Troubleshooting Visualisation - Internalised Oppression, Social/Cultural pressure, other Programming and Bridging the Gap

Do you have trouble trying to visualise your goals and really inhabiting that vision, as if it were real?

Then you have a powerful clue that something is off.

In this Episode you'll learn four questions to ask when visualisation doesn't feel real:

1. Is it YOUR goal?
2. Do you have the visual vocabulary to see it?
3. Is there a subconscious conflict?
4. Does it trigger your nervous system?

And what to do when the answer to any of these is 'yes'.

You'll learn how to bridge the gap visually to create visions that work for YOU - and what to do when you get stuck. 

Ready to learn how to Manage your Smart Mind? Then download my free 'Mapping Your Unique Brain' Workbook. Go to:
https://www.coachkramer.org/brainmap to get access.

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Transcript

Episode 48 - Troubleshooting Visualisation - Internalised Oppression, Social/Cultural pressure, other Programming and Bridging the Gap

Welcome to this episode of the managing the smart mind podcast with Master Certified Coach Else Kramer, a.k.a. Coach Kramer. 

Welcome back, smart human!

Did you give the visualisation exercise I talked about in the last Episode a try? If you haven’t listened to that Episode yet please do that first. 

And if you have, but found it difficult, or aren’t sure you’re noticing a difference, then this Episode is for you. 

Because, as I mentioned in the last Episode, Visualisation isn’t just an amazing tool to get better at things and achieve your goals. 

It also shows you where the gaps are in the way you think about yourself in relation to what you want. 

What the underlying beliefs are that block - and maybe even sabotage - you. 

Not in a ‘you’re falling short, you should just believe harder’ kind of way’ - no, it can give you incredibly valuable information. 

Because your brain isn’t a clean slate. It comes with tons of memories and programming. 

And these show up when you start to visualise. 

That is the second reason why I encourage you to give visualisation a try- because it is an amazing diagnostic tool, and you should use it as such to test your goals and dreams and figure out if your nervous system is even ready for them. 

OK, let me give you an example of what I’m talking about. 

Let’s say you want to visualise yourself having an attractive body, maybe even in a bikini, on a beach. 

But you just can’t see it. 

Then there is something here that needs your kind and compassionate attention. 

Maybe you’re trying to visualise something you’ve seen in a magazine, or on Instagram, that isn’t a possibility for your body type. In which case I would say the ‘failure to visualise’ is actually a very healthy response. 

Maybe you’re trying to visualise something that you have been programmed to think is impossible for you. Because a family member told you your body was unattractive, for example - and your young brain accepted that and has held it as truth ever since. 

Maybe you’ve learned to associate being attractive with not being safe. Whenever you try to visualise yourself as attractive, your nervous system immediately shuts you down. 

Maybe you’ve been told to never think great things about yourself - and you self-censure your visualisation before you even get started. 

Maybe you’ve never seen people with the specific body type you have presented as attractive - and your brain can’t even go there. 

Whatever the reason is you’re not able to visualise your goal or desire - it’s usually a good one. 

And you should honour it instead of brushing it under the carpet or forcing yourself to just ‘try harder’. 

So if you’ve been trying to achieve something and it’s not working, the first troubleshooting step is: can you visualise it? And if not, why do you think that is?

Here’s another example. 

Let’s say you want to build a multi-million dollar business. 

But whenever you try to visualise yourself running it, you get a blank. 

Again: this means you have some figuring out to do. 

Do you have underlying beliefs about what it means to run a multi-million dollar business, like ‘it will be exhausting/boring/dreadful’, ‘i’ll have to get serious’, I’ll never be able to see my family again, etc.?

Then you will have a hard time visualising it. 

Or maybe you have some cultural programming about what a multi-million dollar CEO looks like and it’s not the young, black, neurodivergent woman you see when you look in the mirror. 

Or maybe in the past you have been shamed for your ambition - by your parents, or other family members. And you can’t even allow yourself to DESIRE it because it doesn’t feel safe. 

We’re all part of structures and systems, large and small, that tell us who and how we should be. 

Sometimes with the best intentions - sometimes not so much. 

Add to that our lived experiences, unquestioned thoughts and beliefs, and you get a complex system that, when left unchecked, can easily interfere with your dreams and desires. 

Visualisation is an incredibly efficient way of unearthing those. 

Of finding all the gaps and obstacles between you and your dreams. 

And then first heal those parts of yourself instead of beating yourself up for not achieving your goal.  

Let’s go back to my book writing as an example. 

I have a hard time visualising myself presenting my book. 

I was socialised to not stand out, not draw attention to myself and - God forbid - not think I am special in any way. 

So when I visualise myself presenting my new book even if only to 20 people, being the centre of attention, my nervous system is like ‘this is to be avoided at all cost’. That makes it hard and unpleasant to even try and visualise it. 

What is the missing piece when something like this happens? 

When your visualisation doesn’t feel accessible, or the emotions it creates don’t feel good, what do you do? 

I recommend you answer the following questions:

1. Is this something YOU want deep down inside? Or something you have been conditioned to want? For example, have you been socialised to be financially successful? To be pretty in a conventional way? To stick to one job? To climb to the top of the academic or corporate ladder? Or the opposite: to be wild and unpredictably unique? Then your visualisation may not work because your heart isn’t in it. 
2. Check whether you are trying to visualise something that you’ve literally never seen before. Maybe because there were no examples of it when and where you grew up - maybe even because there are no examples of this thing in the world yet. 
3. Is there an underlying, maybe even subconscious conflict? Do you fear that your partner will no longer love you when you get rich? Or that you will no longer love your partner? Do you think your friends will no longer like you when you become a successful author? Or when you decide to give up your stellar career to start farming kale? Do you disapprove of your own desire to retire at 30? 
4. Does your goal or vision trigger your nervous system? Does it in any way call in feelings of not being safe? 

If you answer ‘yes’ to any of these, you have got some work to do before you go back to your regular scheduled visualisation practice. 

1. Internalised ‘shoulds’

If your visualisation is built on internalised shoulds, your first job is to start dismantling those. 

This may not be done in a day - and you may want some help with it. But it’s totally worth doing, because you want to live a life YOU want, not someone else’s. 

Here are some prompts to help get you find your way back to your own dreams and desires: 

• If I was transplanted to a different planet with friendly aliens and could do anything I wanted, what would I do? 
• If I believed that my friends, parents, loved ones’ only desire for me was to see me happy and thriving, what would I do? 
• If the people who have an agenda for my life lost that part of their memory, what would I do? 

1. You can’t be what you can’t see

This quote by social justice advocate and founder of the Children’s Defence Fund Marian Wright Edelman explains exactly is why diversity is so important, why representation is so important. 

If you can’t see yourself in a certain role, environment, space - then how can you go after it in a constructive way? 

But what if you want something that you’ve never seen before? 

Then you have to do the work of bridging that gap - visually. 

When I say ‘CEO’ you probably see a white guy in a suit, looking fit and very serious. 

Now if you are not a fit white guy in a suit but do want to visualise yourself being a CEO, you have to start adjusting this vision - step by step - until you have created something that works for you. 

Maybe you never wear suits - OK, change that in the picture and make him wear something you would wear. 

Maybe you’re a woman - change that.

Maybe you’re not white - change that. 

Maybe you always have dimples and a smile on your face - or at least most of the time - because you have so much FUN.

Change that. 

Maybe you intend to run a 100 person team from your Alpaca farm - change that. 

Step by step, change your vision until you are able to see YOU in this role and really inhabit and believe it. 

Really BUILD the vision - because no one has built it for you. This is where you get to be a trailblazer!

1. There’s an underlying conflict

Do you have a hunch that your vision will have secondary effects that may not be positive? 

Then the first step is to get them all out into the open. 

The fear of ending up alone because you change and no-one likes the new you. 

The fear of becoming a complete asshole once you get super rich. 

The fear of getting lazy if your life becomes too easy. 

Write down the goal you have trouble visualising and then underneath write: 

‘I am afraid or hesitant to realise this because…’ and write down all the things you can think of for at least 15 minutes. 

Then, either alone or with the help of a coach, challenge all those thoughts. 

Are they really true? Can you 100% know that this is what will happen?

And if you think you can, would you prefer not going after your goal to prevent this? 

1. Your nervous system is triggered by some aspect of your goal

If it does not feel SAFE for you to achieve your goal, you are guaranteed to sabotage yourself. 

So instead of doing the one step forward to steps back ‘I wonder why this goal is so elusive’ dance, stop and invest time in creating the safety you need. 

Let’s go back to my book presentation example, and how the idea of being visible feels unsafe to me. 

Now I definitely have deeper work to do here, which I can do with a coach or therapist. And the same probably goes for your triggers too. 

But there are also things you can do on your own. 

For example: morph your visualisation until it DOES feel safe - and then slightly tweak it, as we did earlier. 

Book presentation in front of 20 people doesn’t feel safe? What if it’s five? How does that feel? 

Once you’ve felt into that and established that this is something that feels good and amazing if also a little anxiety-inducing, then add more seats. 

And the same for media exposure. 

If the idea of 100 shares of your story terrifies you, start with 10. Slowly make it bigger. 

And then every time you register your nervous system being triggered, stop, and ask - what do I need to address here to feel safe?

Maybe you want to hire someone to manage your social media accounts. 

Maybe you want to never speak for groups that are bigger than 50 people - for now, anyway. 

Maybe you never get to have more money than you can handle. 

You have to remind yourself that YOU GET TO DECIDE. 

You get to set boundaries. 

OK - so…to recap: when you are trying to visualise your goal and you can’t this is valuable info on how internalised ableism, oppression, or social and cultural conditioning or trauma triggers may be blocking you. 

And it’s not a problem. 

You just address what needs to be addressed, uncover subconscious blocks, start bridging that visual gap and create safety for your nervous system. 

Sound like a lot of work? 

Yeah. 

Well, it’s definitely work. 

And it’s work that you want to be doing - in fact, that you want to prioritise. 

Because this is exactly what is between you and your dreams. 

So this week: try and visualise a little bolder and bigger. 

And notice what you come up against. 

Use the tools - and unblock yourself. 

Have a wonderful week, 

Else a.k.a. Coach Kramer

Ready to start using more of that amazing smart mind of yours? I can help. DM me on LinkedIn, Instagram or Facebook to learn how you can work with me, or email me via podcast@elsekramer.com. 

Thank you for listening to the Managing the Smart Mind Podcast, I love that at 

the time of recording this, there are smart humans listening in 89 countries! I really appreciate you - do send me any questions or requests for topics you have. And if you enjoy the podcast I’d love for you to give it a five-star review so other smart humans can find it - thank you!