Episode 38 - Smart People Problems - Asking for Help

Do you have a hard time asking for help?

Feel like it's faster to do it all alone?

Or that you should figure it out by yourself because you have such a smart mind?

Then you want to listen to this week's Episode.

You'll learn:

• the thought errors that stop smart humans from getting help;
• the one thing you forget about when you think you should do it all alone;
• how to do an inventory of what you could stop doing using the willing/able quadrants.

Looking for the accompanying PDF? You can use this link to download the willing/able quadrants that go with this Episode. 

Ready to learn how to Manage your Smart Mind? Then download my free 'Mapping Your Unique Brain' Workbook. Go to:
https://www.coachkramer.org/brainmap to get access.

Are you interested in working with me? Click here.

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Transcript

Episode 38 - Asking for Help

Welcome to this episode of the managing the smart mind podcast with Master Certified Coach Else Kramer, a.k.a. Coach Kramer. 

This week I’m going to talk about something most smart humans, including yours truly, absolutely suck at: asking for help. 

Having a smart mind has the pleasant side effect that you are able to do seemingly endless things relatively easily. Not going to deny that that’s a perk. 

However, it doesn’t matter how smart you are: you still have to deal with the limits of time and space. 

In other words: there is no way you can do ALL the things you are capable of in this lifetime. 

Yet that is exactly what a lot of smart people do. 

Not asking for help at work

They feel obliged - because they’re so smart - to help everyone out. 

To take on a bigger workload. 

And to figure stuff out by themselves rather than asking for help from a colleague, peer or manager. 

This can create a world of trouble. 

Asking for help with a project sooner rather than later can help avoid time-consuming edits, reruns, U-turns. 

Taking on extra work without boundaries will lead to stress and, eventually, burnout. 

And it can land you with tasks that are definitely not within your zone of genius - as in, you’re pretty good at them but you really do not enjoy them very much. 

My personal example is building databases. 

I built databases for a while, way back when (remember Microsoft Access, anyone?). 

At the time, I massively enjoyed the problem-solving part of it. As in: what are good categories to create? How do they relate? 

It’s actually pretty similar to a certain type of analytical philosophy, coming to think of it. 

However, despite enjoying it, and being relatively good at it I, as you know, no longer build databases. 

Why? 

Because there are SO MANY THINGS I’D RATHER DO INSTEAD. 

Yet so many of my gifted colleagues insist that they should do things, simply because they’re good at them and find them relatively enjoyable, or at least don’t hate them. 

Yes, they can do their accounts themselves.

But is this the best use of their time?

The answer usually is a very hard NO.

And the same may be true for you. 

Are you doing lots of things simply because you’re better at them than other people and ‘don’t really mind’? 

Then you may want to reassess those decisions.

And start asking for help. 

What are you currently doing at work that you can you delegate, outsource, get a pair of extra hands/brains/eyes on? 

Make a list - and get that help. 

Now your brain is probably throwing up lots of objections already. 

It’s faster if I just do it - and it will be better. 

There aren’t enough resources.

Or some other version of “no one is as competent as me” or “there isn’t enough time/money.”

Both are usually false when you think about the for a little bit longer. 

If you define competence as: being able to learn something and execute at your personal speed then, granted, it may be hard to find a replacement. 

But that’s a pretty useless definition - it excludes almost all other humans. 

So take a deep breath in and out, drop your perfectionism and think again. 

Who could you delegate to?

How can you create, find, ask for extra resources? 

And then make that happen. 

Now work and business is only ONE of many areas where smart humans have a hard time asking for help. 

Getting help with tasks like chores, admin, etc. 

There’s also chores, things like admin, etc. 

I know so many people who, even though they can afford it, refuse to outsource something they don’t particularly like or are particularly good at, like cleaning their house. 

Sometimes there are moral objections - they think they SHOULD clean their own house. 

Sometimes their brain tells the story that it will be impossible to contract it out to a trustworthy, competent person. 

Both aren’t true - and you can free up so much time, energy and joy in your life when you start to realise that and take action on it. 

If you have the budget, get all the help and support you can with stuff you don’t particularly enjoy doing. 

If you pay a decent wage you get the added benefit of helping another human being make some money. 

This is especially true if you have ADHD or Autism. 

My brain is very ill-equipped to do bookkeeping (hello ADHD) or things like return items I bought online to a store (hello Autism). 

Can I do it if I try really, really hard? 

Probably. 

But it will be exhausting and messy.

There will be tears and heaps and frustration. 

So I much prefer to accept my limitations and outsource instead (in my house whoever returns the bought items, whether by mail or in person, gets a percentage). 

Because I massively enjoyed creating the washing machine PDF for you last week, I’ve created another visual to help you figure out where you should be asking for help. 

It’s a willing/able quadrant - and you can find a download link to it in the show notes. 

It’s very simple: the horizontal axis charts how willing you are to do something, and the vertical one how able. 

And it’s probably useful to make both a bit more specific.

I’ve defined ‘able’ as “competent and available”

And

“Willing” as “having drive and/or enthusiasm”

Feel free to adjust these definitions if you can think of something that resonates more with your brain. 

Your ‘zone of genius’ is in the upper right hand corner - that’s the stuff you can’t wait to do and are also very good at. 

This is what you want to spend most of your time doing. 

Stuff in the other quadrants? 

That’s what you should either delegate, contract out, or eliminate. 

For example, for me, in the willing/unable quadrant I’ve put “help my sister with her homework”. 

Yeah, I did that for a while. That was a very bad idea, I probably destroyed all the STEM subjects for her. So after a wile, SHE stopped me doing it. 

Take a look at the PDF and give yourself a couple of minutes to chart your own version. 

And then go take action on all the things that you obviously shouldn’t be doing. 

Now there’s one other area where smart people have a hard time getting help. 

And that’s with themselves. 

Whether it’s personal growth, overcoming trauma, kicking bad habits - smart humans think they can - and should - figure it out alone. 

They read all the self-help books. 

Watch all the ‘how to overcome X’ videos. 

And sometimes it does help. 

But a lot of time it doesn’t - and they get stuck in a cycle of self-blame: ‘If I’m so smart, why can’t I figure this out?’

And believe me, I was like that too - it took me years to finally get coaching. 

Now I’m not saying it’s easy - as a smart human it can be harder to find a therapist, coach or caregiver that you resonate with. 

But that doesn’t mean you should stop looking and go it alone. 

There is so much stuff that either you can’t see, because it’s too close to home, or that simply can be resolved so much faster when you get help. 

So. 

Get.

Help.

Yes, you’re smart. 

But you don’t need to do it all alone. 

Have an amazing week, 

Else a.k.a. Coach Kramer

Ready to get some help in managing your smart mind? I’m both willing and very able to help. DM me on LinkedIn, Instagram or Facebook to learn how you can work with me, or email me via podcast@elsekramer.com. 

Thank you for listening to the Managing the Smart Mind Podcast, I love that at 

the time of recording this there are smart humans listening in 79 countries! I really appreciate you - do send me any questions or requests for topics you have. And if you enjoy the podcast I’d love for you to give it a five-star review so other smart humans can find it - thank you!